Our Souls At Night

It’s been more than a week that I have been obsessed with Robert Redford. I watched Indecent Proposal last week in which he portrayed as the billionaire who fell for a young married woman and asked to spend one night with her on one million dollars. That movie is really amazing and I love his character and Demi Moore’s character in it. It is a beautiful love triangle where Robert Redford’s character interrupted the married couple’s life. I feel sorry cos I wanted his character to end up with the girl that he loved. I sided with him in that movie and I don’t feel any guilty.

Since then, I was looking for his movies and watched those when I had time. It’s needless to say that he is an amazing actor with wonderful career. He is 85 years old now and already retired from the movie industry. He won several awards as actor and director too. I admired his works along the journey. 

 The latest movie that I watched is “Our Souls At Night” on Netflix which is about two old lonely persons tried to get through the nights together. It makes me think how I am going to pass through when I turn 80, when I get old. I love those kind of movies that make me see the part that I was not aware of before.

Well, on this beautiful Sunday, I picked this amazing movie and I even forgot to sip coffee while I was watching it. It made me think of my older life. I wonder what I would be when I turn 80. I am not sure if I live that longer. But I am probably sure my parents would not be with me when I am 80. I might probably face the difficulties to get the nights through which I am also facing now. I am facing some difficulties to get through the night not because of loneliness but because of stress. I am on sleeping pills when the nights get tough.

There are some few thoughts running through my head but I didn’t think about only getting someone to spend the night with me when I am 80. I also think about how to live a life by ignoring people’s judgement and having no regrets. Both characters in the movie dealt with tragedies, loss, regrets and people’s judgement in their life. They had difficult time to forgive themselves for what they did wrong.

We have been living in the world where we were worried about people’s judgement. For me, I am not afraid of judgement but I am afraid of wrong judgement. But that would not be a matter of fact when we grow older. We will be judged for what we choose to live a life. But no one will take the responsibility of our choices. Only we need to take those responsibilities of ourselves. It doesn’t fix anything even if we regret. We cannot change what happened. Rather than living in our life in regret, we should move forward and create the better life for us and for the people who are surrounded us. 

 

We watch movies to find ourselves and relate to ourselves at some subconscious level to the characters that we see. This is what movies are all about. Sometimes, we were moved by the characters which we can totally relate to it. Sometimes, we find the answers that we are looking for in the movies that we watch. Sometimes, we want to see the world as the different person and movies can make us feel different person with different perspective. Now I feel as different person by watching this.

I realize one important thing. We call destiny or fate for something that happen to us which is totally out of our own control. But actually this is what we choose. What we choose lead to that destiny. The career that we choose to work, the person that we choose to spend our lives with, the city that we choose to live make that destiny happens. It’s us. It’s only us at the end of the time. We make our own history and that cannot be rewritten even if we wish to change it sometimes. 

As the last part, it’s about love. I never believed in marriage. I didn’t know when I started becoming a nonbeliever in marriage. But I guess it started when I was a teenager. I thought signing on a piece of paper couldn’t change anything and it couldn’t make people to fall in love more deeply than before. But at some point, I used to think of marriage and having kids for a while in my 20s. But those thoughts are just gone with the wind now.

But I believe in love. Believing in love and believing in marriage are totally different. I realize that you can fall in love at any age and you can fall in love with several people in your life. This is what love is about. You can find love at any age even in your 80s. As the conclusion, it's not about who you started your life with, it's about who you would end your life with. And no one is old to find love in their lives. 

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