Evermore Album Review

"A Good Song To Be Listened When You're Depressed"

“I'm just so fuckin' depressed, I just can't seem to get out this slump”

The above words are the piece of lyrics from Beautiful by Eminem that was I used to listen to 4 years ago. I was jobless at that time right after I finished MBA thesis. Those days are darkest days of my life. I sat on the seat in the living room by watching the cars passing by the street. Buses, cars, people and trishaws. I was looking at them and wondering why I was sitting at home, doing nothing but just seeing them with lost of hope. And I asked myself what happened to a girl with big dream and why she was so depressed.

That’s true that I was so depressed. I didn’t have job and I didn’t know where I would go. I applied for a job but the requirements were with experiences. What on earth I had to do to get the experiences? I kept wondering. I needed a job to fulfill my dream. I couldn’t be jobless. I wanted to work in 500 Fortunes company and contribute a lot to reach my goal. But those seem like so far from me at that time.

So, I kept wondering and looking at those people who walked by the street, I looked at my mom unbelievably because she is one of the hard working women that I’ve ever seen. She is a teacher and she goes to school, cooks for us and does all the chores at home. She never depends on anybody. My grandma from my mom’s side is also one of the most hard-working women that I’ve ever seen. She is 80 years old now but she still makes her dishes no matter we tell her not to.

She still walks like a boss at her home and talks like a boss. These two women are so independent and never depend on their husbands. They make the money by themselves. But look at me, still sitting at the seat and dreaming to be a career woman without a job. I was clearly depressed. Some of my friends were planning to get married after graduating and there was me who still single and wondering where my Prince Charming was. I even thought that the reason I didn’t have boyfriend was I was not good enough for everyone. I read so many quotes about inspiration, motivation and success. I bought Job Opportunity journal every week and looked for the job which was suitable for me. At that time I told myself that there’s gonna be one day that I didn’t have to buy this journal and look for a job because I’m gonna make the jobs would look for me.

The feeling of looking for a job was too bad. They asked for the things that I didn’t have which was experience. I applied couple of jobs after preparing the resume. But I was not confident to get a good job. That was funny.

Then one evening, I listened to the song “Beautiful” By Eminem.

“I'm not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room”

That was me. I just wanted to be someone else. I used to be too funny, full with sense of humor and confident. But at that time, I was like loss of everything. And whenver I looked at my friends who already got a job and uploading their photos at work, I asked myself why I couldn't be one of those girls. I asked myself why it was so difficult for me to get a job but for them it was so easy. There were so many wish that I wanted to fulfill when I got a job but at that time, there's nothing in my hand.  In my facebook, half of friends got a job and sharing their happy photos with their colleagues and half of them are sharing their romantic photos with their lovey-dovey and some of them are planning to get married. So, I started to believe that I was not beautiful and full with scars. But once I listened to the following piece of lyrics

“Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful
Oh they can all get fucked.
Just stay true to you so”, I decided to stay true to myself. I was shamed of the thought of wishing someone else. I just told myself that everything happened for a reason and good things come to those who keep in faith.

Well, four years later, when I listen to that song again and I smile because I am on the path of independence and I am proud of being focused on my own goal and I don’t have to look for the job now. I keep on hustling, focusing, rocking and slaying. I am 27 and I am telling 23 years old me like “It’s good to be depressed sometimes because you can set up the bigger goal and when you are on the right track, you won’t deviate because you know what it feels like when you have nothing in your hand. You are beautiful in your own way and you are perfect in your own imperfection and be proud of who you are and make sure to listen to the right song when you're depressed."